Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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