tell your sister to shave her snatch
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
