is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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