There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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