Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
