Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
