Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
