I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
