I wish I could teleport
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Are my feet made of real feet?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
