hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
