Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
