direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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