Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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