I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
