i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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