Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
