I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
