dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
