He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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