im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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