It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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