trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
