i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
