I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
