i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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