so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
