They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
