ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
