Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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