I just made out with a guy for $7.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
