I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
