Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
