I smell stomach acid.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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