its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
