you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
