Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We left an ass print on the piano.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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