I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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