I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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