I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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