is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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