i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
