Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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