i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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