I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
