I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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