I look better un-naked...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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