Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
