I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
