apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
