My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
