You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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