very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
