thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
