The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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