i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You ate ashes out of my bong
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
