I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
