3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
