Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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