it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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