Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
