Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
